So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
