It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
