Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i came on her dog
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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