I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
