I faked an abortion last night.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
now i know why i became what i already was.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
