i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She even gives head with a lisp.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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