I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
