Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
