i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
