I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
