I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
