you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
