the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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