I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You're like the curious george of whores
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
