these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
