She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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