I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
