also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
