First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
