everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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