whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
