I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
