Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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