someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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