i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
