I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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