Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
