I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
