Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
