DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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