the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
