Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just blew my weed a kiss
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
