do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
