so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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