You're so nebulous sometimes
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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