god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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