wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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