I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
