i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
third nipple confirmed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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