i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
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i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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