One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
is this the sara with the beer cane?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
