I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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