Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
