I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
