The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
