pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
