Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
