Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
