i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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