I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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