Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
