we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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