You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
