Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
