is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
